Ambition… where did it go?

I. Aug 2021

I wanted to be so many things: Egypt’s first female president, then minister of urbanism or of culture. I had an ambition for public service. Pre-revolution, there was hope and a goal.

Post-revolution, everything felt pointless. We thought we were affecting change, but we weren’t, we were just part of a ploy. My focus shifted.

From government to business. From service to self-service.

If I could build something big, I’d have the resources to influence things. That led me to entrepreneurship.. I had so many ideas, so I figured I’d be one of those people who sets up new businesses and sells them. A serial entrepreneur.

Well, that didn’t work.

I needed a break from searching, I took on a remote job from Dubai, moved from Cairo to the beach, Hurghada. It was bubble-living. I’d spend my days learning to cook new things with youtube with a view of the red sea and swim every other hour in the community pool. The distance from everything I was was good until it eventually led me to - why am I here? What am I really doing?

One night, during a 10 hour solo drive, listening to “Think and grow rich”, I got a full-body vision for the idea that I’d been waiting for. The one idea I was willing to put everything behind. An idea that married the entrepreneur looking for scale, and the creative who loved living in the world of ideas. I HAD FOUND IT.

This tech company would solve all my struggles as a creative. My brain decided: okay, I’m in.

Now where should I build this tech company?

It either had to be in the US, Canada, or Egypt.
Egypt - no.
I have a US passport. That made sense.

I broke off a relationship. Left two apartments. Left a business behind.

The month before I travelled my grandma had just had surgery. I offered to move in with her and take care of her during recovery while I isolated myself from the world and started building my vision. I dove deep into research. The tech world was a whole new world for me.

I was up everyday at 5am. A month of being the entrepreneur I’d heard about in podcasts.

A few days before my flight, I had a major breakdown. A full on panic attack at my cousin’s engagement.

I guess that’s when it hit me, the threat of starting over again.